A short thought on betrayal
Relationships start as a clean sheet of paper.
If a significant enough betrayal occurs, it’s as if you’ve crumpled up that sheet of paper. And no matter how well you smooth it out, there will always be lines and creases. The more severe the betrayal, or the more betrayals there are, the more that paper shows the wear and tear.
And at a certain point we have to accept what we have as the new normal. We’ll never get back what we started with, but we can make the best of what we have now, and it can still be beautiful.
But sometimes it can’t.
In that case, the relationship may need to come to an end.
This isn’t advice, or defeatism, I’m just thinking out loud.
The best thing we can do is not crumple the paper in the first place. Not hurt our partner so deeply they can never fully recover.
The second best thing? Learn quickly from our indiscretions, take full responsibility, and immediately commit to change.
And the third best thing, if you can’t do the previous two, is to let that person go. If you care about them, realize you’re not healthy enough to give them what they deserve, and let them go.
But unfortunately that’s not always what happens. Many people will be hurt over and over by someone they love. A partner, family member, friend. By the time the person realizes the error of their ways, (if they ever do), it’s too late. The damage is done.
It’s also a reminder to have strong boundaries. Forgiveness is seen as a virtue, but some of us are too forgiving. We give chance after chance. YEARS of chances. And end up with not just a crumpled relationship, but a crumpled soul.
Such that, even when the painful relationship ends, the damage follows us.
Primum, non nocere: First, do no harm.
Secundum, ne iniuriam patiaris: Second, do not suffer injustice.
And yes, I know it’s not that simple, but few things in life are.